Teen Insults - they hurt but take them in stride
My teens can cuddle up to me and ask me to read a book to them, ten minutes later it's as if a wicked storm has blown in from the east; I become an ogre, I am mean and the most annoying and stupid person on this planet.
When this happens, I cringe thinking back to my teen days. Even though I followed the rules and looked calm on the outside, I said the most horrendous things to my parents; it is embarrassing to think about.
My brother, less of the angelic type would holler, "I hate you! You're ruining my life!" My Mom had a response that has stayed with me for life, "That's fine. I love you for both of us." My brother would proceed to stomp to his room huffing and puffing the entire way.
When your teen loses control screaming, "I hate you, you're ruining my life, you don't understand" choose to stay cool. Remember what is happening; they are teens and meant to oppose, test limits and push away from you. Tell them calmly what you need and let them have some time alone to think and vent. Once they have calmed down, follow up with a conversation about what happened and what they need to do.
I don't think there is a family without drama and a few teen insults. It happens to all of us. I have shed a tear or two, been exhausted and thought, "When will this end?" It is painful to have that adorable, cuddly teen turn into an angry, surly, rude teen glaring at you as if they want you to disappear. Perspective is what you need. They are growing up and need to pass this. Stating what is needed, learning to calm down and get through a state of fury is an important lesson on the road to independence. They are almost there, and I promise... this too shall pass.
–Allison Ochs, Social Worker M.S.W. , Coach, Expat, Mother of three, Wife